Main Logo Nuke The Crap Out Of Europe
Contents The Setting / Theme Of The Game

It is the near future, in a world with two super-powers, the United States of America, and China. They are in a state of cold war, on the edge of a nuclear conflict, but not quite. A direct nuclear exchange would be too costly to them.

So they decide to fight a war someplace else. In Europe. They will, minute by minute, hour by hour, take it in turns to blast the living crap out of Europe. Eventually, when the entire continent has been reduced to a desolate nuclear hellhole they will tot up the scores and see who caused the most damage.

Why? Well the side who caused the most damage will have gained an edge, proved a point, pressed a psycological advantage. And had a great time!

Oh shit! Who cares? It's only a game.

What You Need Before You Start

This is a game for 2 or more players. In addition, when you first play, you will require someone to act as a referee. Later on, when all the players know where the countries are, you can dispense with the services of the referee.

There are two mapsheets required to play the game:

The Player's Mapsheet.

The Referee's Mapsheet.

You need to print out one copy of each. In addition, you will need a pen or pencil (we recommend a pencil because then you can reuse the sheets).

A calculator is handy for adding up the scores.

That's all you need. This is a cheap (free, if you're illegally using the office laser printer) and portable game.

NOTE:- If you are teacher using this as an educational game, make the little bastards add up their scores by hand. Much more educational that way.

The players uses the Player's Mapsheet (the one that doesn't have any of the country names marked on it).

The referee uses the Referee's Mapsheet (which does have the country names marked on it). The players are NOT allowed to look at the Referee's Mapsheet).

Starting The Game

As in most games, someone has to go first. In Nuke, the player who goes first is said to have: "launched a pre-emptive nuclear strike."

NOTE:- This is just a game. Do not try launching such a strike in reality or you will go down as the biggest mass murderer in history.

Someone has to decide who goes first. To select the person who decides, use rock-scissers-paper, roll a dice, toss a coin, engage in a staring compition, fist fight, have a masturbation competion (either come-first or come-last) or whatever method is available.

Once someone has won the toss, or whatever, they get to decide who goes first.

NOTE:- It is generally a disadvantage to go first, so usually the person who won the toss will select an opponant to go first.

Playing The Game

Play goes clockwise around the table, with each player taking a turn.

Each turn a player must launch a nuclear strike. He launches a nuclear strike by announcing the name of the country he or she wishes to nuke.

NOTE:- You cannot simply point to the country you wish to nuke. If you know where you want to hit, but you don't know what that country is called, tough shit.

The country which has been attacked receives two fallout points and is said to be heavily contaminated. The referee should make two pencil marks on that country on the Player's Mapsheet.

All of the countries which border the attacked country receive one fallout point and are said to be lightly contaminated. Again, the referee should make a pencil mark. The referee should not announce the names of the countries he is putting these marks on.

When a country has three or more fallout points, it is said to be destroyed. The player who launched the attack that actually destroyed the country receives a number of points equal to the country's population.

You cannot launch an attach against a country which has been destroyed.


Player A: "I'll nuke... Latvia!"

Referee: "Okay, you score two fallouts on Latvia---"

He makes two pencil marks on Latvia (numbered 21 on the map)

"---and single fallouts here, here, here and here."

He puts single marks on Belarus, Lithuania, Estonia and Russia.

Player A: "Shit! Latvia's there! I thought it was down by Romania?"

Players B: "That's Latvaria dickhead! And that isn't a real country! It's out of a comic book!"

He smirks.

"I'll nuke Russia!"

Referee: Puts two marks on Russia, making a total of 3, and single marks on Norway, Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Belarus and the Ukraine.

"Okay, so that's three marks on both Latvia and Russia, so they're both destroyed. You score 2.4 million for Latvia and 146.3 million for Russia."

Player A: "Bollocks!"


When we say that one country borders on another we are referring to land borders. Hence, Denmark borders on Germany, it does not border on Sweden.

However, for game purposes the United Kingdom (37) and Ireland (18) do border each other (this is due to the Northern Ireland portion of the United Kingdom).

Winning The Game

The winner of the game is the person who scores the most kills.

In a two-player game, a player has won once they have scored more than 362.4 million kills.
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Copyright 1999 Critical Miss Gaming Society

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