The RPG Cliche List

Grudge Monster. Non-planned monster/adversary a gamemaster secretly puts into the adventure after the players piss him off. The alarming tendency of gamemasters to use these could also be called the Primoscene Law. See also the Assamite Law.

GURPS Law. Universal systems usually suck more at emulating genres than the already-present systems they were designed to hopefully replace. (So named for GURPS, probably the blandest, most inflexible universal system ever devised.)

GURPS Metaphysics Law. If a magic/psionics system works for one setting, then it is perfectly suited for all settings! (Exception: GURPS Mage: The Ascension, GURPS Voodoo...but that's about it.)

GURPS Sourcebook Law. Many, many more gamers buy GURPS sourcebooks than will (or should) ever actually use the system.

Heroic Fortitude Law. When wars occur in fantasy games, the heroic side typically loses almost every battle, but will somehow win the war.

Herzog's Law. Given a choice between gaming and dating, many gamers would be surprised that they actually have a choice. (So named for Knights of the Dinner Table's Bob Herzog, a hopelessly dorkish individual.)

Hiding In Plain Sight Law. Players in "inconspicuous monster" modern-day occult games will never play an inconspicuous character. In addition, players who actually try to play inconspicuous characters will inevitably be told by the gamemaster that they're "being difficult" and that their characters either don't work well with the party or are "difficult to fit into the plot".

Highlander Law. "True" immortal beings (ie non-undead ones) in modern-day occult games are always more vulnerable to decapitation than almost all other forms of injury. (Exception: Nephilim)

Holocaust Rule. In modern-day occult games, the Holocaust is always the work of mortal humanity, never supernatural beings or conspiracies, who at most merely took advantage of the already-occurring atrocities and horror. (Exception: Immortal)

Humanity Loss Law. Cybernetic implants inexplicably strip you of your humanity/empathy. Each new implant brings you closer to becoming that berserk sociopath you've always wanted to be. This idea has never appeared in cyberpunk literature, being just a ploy to keep power gamers in check. In games with supernatural elements, implants eat your soul, too (Rifts, Shadowrun, Obsidian, etc).

Hunter Law #1. A RPG's artwork does not need to have anything to do with what the game is actually about.

Hunter Law #2. Player characters should always kill someone if the voices in their heads inform them the person in question is a monster. See also the Psychopath Law.

Illiteracy Law. RPG books always have far more typos than any other type of publication known to man, including pornography, online personals ads, and religious tracts. From a professional standpoint, RPG books are at best remotely comparable to other books, but typically they aren't even that good.

"I'm Different, Too!" Law. In a typically feeble effort to establish their own style, most games (especially modern-day occult ones) will invent alternate terms for "gamemaster" and "campaign". The worst of these games will also find alternate terms for "player" and "game session". This law is also known as Ackels' Law, after the creator of Immortal: the Invisible War, a game that redefined almost every single gaming term (yes, even "character action" and "levels you have in something").

Inquisition Rule. In modern-day occult games, the Inquisition is always secretly still around.

Intervention Of Reality Rule. D&D-based novels do not in any way take into account that powerful D&D characters can survive massive amounts of damage without blinking.

Kill Whitey Law. In modern-day occult games, Western civilization is an active force for evil, or at the least dehumanizing and soul-numbing. (Exception: Unknown Armies)

Kitchen Sink Law. High fantasy games make perfect sense (evidently) with ecosystems mismatched with creatures from every mythology that has cool monsters.

Kull Effect. When gamers in medieval fantasy games play heavy metal or alternative music during the game. (So named for Kull The Conqueror and its not-entirely-appropriate metal soundtrack.)

Law Of Capitalization. 90's era games (particularly modern-day occult ones) regularly go out of their way to capitalize every possible setting concept and game term.

Law Of Magic(k). "Magic" is too passe a word - all games must now pretentiously call it "magick".

Law Of Ruleless Deformity. Any avant-garde game must cut out a majority of the rules, and provide only setting - and the rules they do provide must clearly suck. Especially true for modern-day occult games. Also known as the "Let's Pretend" Law.

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