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The Chernobyl Brick Shithouse



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Large Construct
Hit Dice: 10d10 (55 hp)
Initiative: +1 (+1 Dex)
Speed: 30ft (can't run)
AC: 25 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +15 Natural)
Attacks: 2 door slams +12 melee
Damage: Door slam 2d6+6
Face/Reach: 5 ft. by 5 ft. / 10 ft.
Special Abilities: *
Special Qualities: Construct, Intelligence, Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +3, Ref+4, Will +4
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 12, Con - , Int 10, Wis 12, Cha 1

Climate / Terrain: Any (Mercenary)
Organisation: Solitary or small group (Mercenary)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 11-20 HD (Large) 21-30 HD (Huge)

* Special Attack: Any character struck by the first melee attack (i.e. the door slapping them inward) must make a Fortitude save at DC 20 or suffer 1d10 temporary Con loss due to inhaling the gases from the magically tainted contents of the toilet.


How many times have you seen a largish monster appearing over the horizon, and been told by your GM that it is "built like a brick shithouse"? **

Well, this monster isn't built like a brick shithouse.

It *is* a brick shithouse.

The now legendary Chernobyl Brick Shithouse originates, as the name suggests, from the Chernobyl region of the Empire of the Rus. Originally, they were nothing more than simple, brick-built, outside toilets.

But then, several years back, the advanced, mana-generation facility at Chernobyl proved to not be so advanced after all, exploding in a rather unfortunate manner, and scattering raw tainted mana across half of Urp.

The immediate region suffered the worst, being so badly contaminated by raw magic that it will be uninhabitable for hundreds of years. All the inhabitants were evacuated, leaving behind their homes... and their outside toilets.

And then something happened to the toilets.

They became animated. Not alive, but worryingly mobile, thinking, moving. They considered their situation and concluded that they were not happy.

So they hired themselves out.

Although many Brick Shithouses remain in a feral state around the ruins of the mana-generation facility, the majority can be found working in a variety of places around the world, although their small numbers (only a few hundred) give them a great rarity value.


In appearance, the Brick Shithouse is a small brick building, with a metal roof and a wooden door (the doors come in a variety of drab colours).

The Brick Shithouse moves in much the same way that a snake does, that is without any perceptable method. Its structure ripples, and it glides across the ground.

The Brick Shithouse attacks using its door, which can open both inward and outward. First the door swings inward, slapping the victim into the toilet. Then it swings back outward, throwing them back out. While they are inside (i.e. after the first attack) they are assailed by a collection of noxious fumes (imagine sewage combined with tainted magic) which can severely debilitate.

Persons outside will see the person dissappear into the Brick Shithouse, then a moment later see them hurled back out, gagging and choking.

Brick Shithouses often win combats through fear alone. The sight of one of them approaching at a fair clip, its door drumming excitedly against the frame, is enough to make most people turn and run.

** Note to non-English speakers: "brick shithouse" (alternatively "brick outhouse") is a slang term used to describe an outside toilet (i.e. a building housing a toilet which is separate from the main home, as was common in the first half of the 20th century). The phrase "built like a brick shithouse" (alternatively "built like a brick outhouse") is used to describe a person who has a very large, tough, powerful looking body.