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Porno!

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What Is Porno!?

Porno! is a roleplaying(ish) game where the players take the role of the director and stars of a porn movie.

What's A Roleplaying(ish) Game?

Well, you know how some roleplaying games have a section explaining what roleplaying is? Something along the lines of a gamemaster and players, and the gamesmaster describing what is happening, and asking the players what they want to do, and then telling them what happens? And rules to determine whether or not they succeed in doing things?

This isn't one of those games.

It doesn't trace its ancestry back to Dave Arneson and Gary Gygax (probably much to their relief, especially considering that Gary probably isn't the biggest fan of ours, since we said that Cyborg Commando was the worse roleplaying game of all time).

In this game, you don't roll to hit, and the only sword you'll be wielding is your pork one.

But you do roleplay a character, which we think makes it a roleplaying game, or at least a roleplaying(ish) game.

And if you have a problem with that, we quite frankly couldn't give a shit.

Who Gets To Play?

To play Porno! you need at least three players, possesing a combination of high imagination and low moral fibre.

One player will take the role of the Director.

The other players play actors and actresses, and are collectively known as "the Talent".

What Do You Need To Play?

Other than a total lack of taste and inhibitions, and a desire to talk dirty to your fellow gamers, you will need the following:

1) A stack of coin-like counters, with each counter representing units of ten dollars. We recommend using coins. Duh! (A one pence piece can represent $10, A ten pence piece $100 and so on).

2) A set of scene cards (these are explained later and we've included some examples for you to print out and cut out).

3) A tape recorder. (E.g. something which can record sound, and then play it back later).

Note About Genre

Porno only covers porn films made for heterosexual men, and as such covers only heterosexual acts and homosexual acts between women. We've got nothing particularly against gay porn, but that would be a separate supplement.

The Rules

To make things nice and easy we've broken the rules up into separate sections.

How to play Porno!

Packages

Scene cards

Playing Porno! at a convention

Well that's. Hope you enjoy playing it, and if you do decide to give it a go, please drop us a line to either editor@criticalmiss.com, or - if you're a complete exhibitionist - letters@criticalmiss.com to let us know how it went.


What do you think of this article?

It ascended to heaven and walked with the gods.
It was very good.
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It was okay.
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It sucked, really, really badly.