How To Play Porno!

What You Do, When

A game of Porno consists of a number of different phases. They are:

1) Character creation

2) Making a "film"

a) Selecting the director

b) Casting

c) Shooting

3) The awards ceremony

You can repeat the second phase ("making a film") as many times as time allows. For instance, you might give each player a chance to be director and shoot his or her own "film".

Character Creation

Each player should first create their porn-star character.

Details

You need to come up with the following:

Name

Age

Sex

Nationality / Background

Packages

Your character's capabilities as a porn-star are defined by three packages. They are:

The Equipment Package

The Looks Package

The Morality Package

You need to select one of each type of package (see the separate section on packages).

Packages have a cost, ranging from -3 to +3.

Your three selected packages must have a total cost of zero.

Example:

Pete is creating Randy Hardman, while Joe is creating Ram Steel.

Pete wants Randy to look very good, so he selects a +3 looks package, which gives him "firm pecs and chisled good looks".

In contrast, Joe wants Ram to be impressive in the downstairs department, so he selects a +3 equipment package, which gives him a 12" penis.

Pete rounds out Randy with a -2 equipment package and a -1 morality package.

Joe rounds out Ram with a -3 looks package and a 0 morality package.

Randy has firm pecs and chisled good looks, is prepared to do most things, but only has a 4" penis.

Ram has a 12" penis, doesn't worry too much about morality, and is a fat, disgusting, sweaty, unshaven slob.

Description

You can also add general descriptive details about your character, such as eye and hair colour, as well as certain personality traits. However, your description cannot alter your looks package. If you have -3 looks you can decide whether you are an ugly blond or an ugly brunette, but no more than that.

Making A Film

Selecting the director

One player must be selected to be the director. If you are shooting several films in the evening, it might be possible for everyone to take a turn as director. Once you've selected the director, you need to set the budget that the director will have, and also set the length of the film.

Over time you'll probably find out what is best for your group of actors, but as a start I would suggest that you make a ten minute film with a budget of $3000.

(The director should then grab that much in money counters).

Some directors might wish to prepare a "script" for their "movie" in advance. Although this is not strictly against the rules, it is generally frowned upon as unsporting. Real men just go for it on the fly.

Casting

One the director has been chosen, he needs to select which actors and actresses he wants to appear in his film. If you haven't got many players then he might select everyone's player character.

Shooting

This is the most important part of a game of Porno! and the most important piece of equipment is the tape recorder. (This is why we call it the Speak-Record-Play system).

How Porno! is played is very clever, but just a bit complicated, so you need to stop sniggering and actually concentrate when you're reading the next bit...

Film scripts are divided up into dialogue and action. Dialogue is what the actors say. Action is the description of what is going on.

Porno! is an immersive roleplaying environment, in which you are always "in character".

Everything that a director player character says is action.

Everything that an actor/actress player character says is dialogue. They can only describe what they are doing through dialogue. This dialogue is improvised to fit the storyline that the director appears to be trying to weave.

A conventional roleplaying game might go like this:

Player 1 (Joe): "I look over at Sue and say: Would you like me to put on a CD?"

Player 2 (Sue): "Yeah, okay."

Player 1 (Joe): "I walk over to the CD player, select a CD from the rack, put it in, and press play."

But in Porno, it would go like this:

Player 1 (The Director): "The interior of a flat. A good-looking man and a plain, chubby woman are sitting next to each other on a sofa."

Player 2 (Joe): "Would you like me to put on a CD?"

Player 3 (Sue): "Yeah, okay."

Player 1 (The Director): "The good looking man walks over to the chrome CD player, selects a CD from the rack, puts it in, and presses play. The sound of 70s funk fills the room."

The tape recorder is used to enforce this immersive environment. You press record when the "shooting" begins, and ten minutes later (or whatever the duration of the film is) you press stop. While it is running, everyone must be in character. No pauses. No out of character moments. Remember that this ten minutes of recorded audio is the "film" that you're making (although it's more like a radio play). Later on, you will replay this "film" and judge it.

Their are two additional methods, other than describing actions, that the director uses to influence the course of the film. These are:

Hand signals.

Playing Scene Cards.

Hand Signals

The main hand signal is simply to point at a player who is playing an actor. This is done to indicate which actor player character he is referring to. He can also make an action symbol at a player. This is pointing with the thumb held up, and means that he wishes that player character to speak. He can wave both hands around each other (in the way a basketball referee indicates that a player was travelling) to indicate that he wishes the actors to continue with a scene. Finally, if he waves one hand it means he wants them to wrap the scene up (typically this would involve some form of orgasm).

Scene Cards

Scene cards are used to give instructions to the actors to carry out specific sex scenes. For instance, if an actor and actress are on the sofa, and the director wishes them to begin a standard sex scene, he can play the scene card "Male-Female Sex Scene".

When the director plays the scene card, the actors should, through their dialogue, start to move the storyline toward the required scene. The director may also help this through spoken action.

It is important to remember that this is porn film dialogue, and should therefore be cheesy and implausible.

A scene card generally links one or two actors and actresses, although there is one card which links two actors and one actress. The Director should, using hand signals, make it clear which actors the card applies to.

It is possible to combine two scene cards into one action.

Example:

The film is starring Rock, Buck and Shannon. The director first plays a "Male-Female Sex Scene" card, indicating that it applies to Rock and Shannon, and then plays a "Male-Female Oral Scene" card, indicating that this applies to Buck and Shannon. This means that he wants Rock to have sex with Shannon while Shannon simultaneously performs oral on Buck.

NOTE:- You cannot combine anal and vaginal intercourse in this manner. If you want to do a double-penetration scene you must play a single "Male-Male-Female Double-Penetration Scene" card.

A director can also play a card to change from one type of action to another.

Example:

The director plays a "Male-Female Oral Scene" card on Rock and Shannon. Shannon starts to perform oral sex on Rock. A few minutes later, the director plays a "Facial Cum Shot" card. Rock withdraws his penis from Shannon's mouth and comes in her face.

A scene card does not automatically cause the desired effect. Firstly, the actors have to be paid the appropriate fees from the budget, and secondly the actors must be morally prepared to perform the action.

Each card will specify the morality (or lack of it) required of the actors and actresses. For example, "Male-Female Sex Scene" has the following requirements:

Requires:
1 male actor, morality +2 or less
1 female actress, morality +1 or less

This means that if the actor has a morality of +3 he will refuse to do the scene, and that if the actress has a morality of +2 or +3 she will refuse to do the scene.

Each card will also specify the fees that the actors and actresses must be paid. For example, "Male-Female Sex Scene" has the following fees:

Cost:
Male = $200
Female = $500

To do this scene, the director must give the male actor $200 and the female actress $500. These fees must be paid immediately. The director must hand over the coins for the fees at the same time as handing over the scene card.

Example Of Play

Joe is playing the Director.

Pete is playing Randy Hardman.

Paul is playing Suzie Leggs.

Joe (Director): It's a sultry summer day in the Valley. Randy [as he says this he points with his left hand at Pete] is getting cash from the cash machine. He is sweaty, and his shirt clings to his body, revealing his firm pecs and chisled good looks.

Randy has a +3 looks package

Joe (Director): He stuffs his cash into his wallet and walks back to his car, where his wife Sherrie is waiting. He gets into the waiting red car, not really concentrating, looks up, and realises that this isn't his car, and the women sitting in the passenger seat isn't his wife.

Joe (Director): She's a petite cute blond, with medium sized breasts. [As he says this he points with his left hand at Paul].

Suzie has a +2 looks package and a 0 equipment package.

[Joe points makes the "action" sign with his right hand at Paul and mouths "action"]

Paul (Suzie): Who the fuck are you, and why are you in my car?

Pete (Randy): Well I was going to say I'd made a mistake, but looking at you, I don't think it's a mistake.

Paul (Suzie): Yeah..?

[At this point, Joe slides a Male-Female Oral Scene card across the table, with two stashes of coin tokens, one of $100 for Pete and one of $400 for Paul.]

Paul (Suzie): Well you can't just go around climbing into women's cars, you know! I think I'm going to have to punish you...

Pete (Randy): What did you have in mind?

Paul (Suzie): Something that will have you begging, and pleading and moaning!

Joe (Director): The petite, cute blond leans over Randy, and begins to unbutton his flies.

You might think that this is a somewhat implausible method of punishment, but I actually "lifted" it from the plot of a porn file I watched when I was 15 (with a group of mates... I wasn't the one that hired it, honestly!). Basically, a team of two female debt-collectors were going round all the blokes who had defaulted on their debts, saying things like: "we'll teach you to default on your fucking loan!" and then shagging the hell out of them. Not what I'd personally consider a great deterrence to loan-defaulting, but I guess porn plots don't have to make sense.

Pete (Randy): Oh yeah, suck my love rod!

Paul (Suzie): Mmmm. Tastes good!

Pete (Randy): Yeah, suck baby, suck.

Paul (Suzie): Mmmmmm.

Pete (Randy): Oh yeah, that feels so good!

[At this point, Joe slides a Male-Female Anal Scene card across the table, with two stashes of coin tokens, one of $400 for Pete and one of $800 for Paul].

Unfortunately Joe has fucked up. While Randy does have a morality of 0 in his profile, Suzy has a morality of -1, which means that she does not receive anal (she would need -2 or less).

Pete (Randy): [Trying to move toward the requested scene] Oh baby, you're so hot, I just want to stroke your cute ass.

Paul (Suzie): Okay...

Pete (Randy): Does that feel good baby? Would you like to me to poke my finger up your ass?

Paul (Suzie): No!

Pete (Randy): Huh? You just want me to go straight to my dick?

Paul (Suzie): Get out of my car you fucking pervert!

Joe (Director): [Having taken a second look at Suzie's profile, realised he was wrong, and now attempting to revamp his entire budget and shooting schedule on the fly] Erm... Angrily, Randy gets out of the car, and walks to the next car in line, which is occupied by his wife. He smiles at her hopefully, and kisses her on the cheek. [Thinking: How the hell do I set the threesome up now?]

Okay, in this example the porn movie obviously isn't going too well. But hopefully you're starting to get the drift.

Ways In Which The Director Can Screw Up

The director has to fill the ten minutes of the film with an imaginative plot, sparkling dialogue and stimulating sex scenes. To do this he has to make sure that he manages his budget and scene cards correctly.

He obviously doesn't want to give scenes that actors don't perform (as in our example). But equally he doesn't want to spend his budget too soon, and end up having to spin out a masturbation scene for the last ten minutes.

The Awards Ceremony

Categories

Once you have "filmed" all your films, it is time to have the awards ceremony. I would suggest that you give awards for the following categories:

Best Sex Scene: This will be awarded to the actors / actresses who performed the best sex scene.

Example: "The award for best sex scene goes to Ram Steele and Suzy Goodbutt for the anal scene in Tradesman's Entrance VIII!"

Best Actress: This will be awarded to an actress for a particular role.

Example: "The award for best actress goes to Honey Sweet for the role of the horny police detective in Law & Disorder!"

Best Actor: This will be awarded to an actor for a particular role.

Best Director: This will be awarded to a particular director, for a particular film. This does not necessarily mean that the film was the best film. It might have had terrible acting for example. It simply means that the direction was the best.

Best Film: This will be awarded to the film that was the best all-round film, in terms of both acting and direction.

Judging

To carry out the judging you need to listen to each film (i.e. replay the tape) in turn. This is a vital part of a Porno! game. If you don't listen to the tape then there's no point recording it, and it is the recording that forces people to stay "in character".

After listening to all the films, each player should write down their votes for each category. All actors, actresses, films and scenes should be taken as being nominated. The votes will then be totalled to determine the winners.

Making The Awards

You should then hand out the awards. You could be boring here, but I think you should go the whole hog, with envelopes, trophies (even if they're only sweets or something) and terrible thank you speeches.

Hey, it's all roleplaying!

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