Legal Defence Techniques For Roleplayers

Okay, for the purposes of this article we'll assume that you've been arrested, are currently being questioned, and that the line of questioning seems to be obsessively related to your roleplaying. Through the document we will be outlining a series of legal techniques you could follow. We should of course point out that we are bad satirists, not good lawyers, and if you follow our advice you're a prat.

The first thing we need to address is why they have arrested you. Assuming you haven't just shagged an orangutan in the town square, the answer might be that you fit the profile of a teen Satanist that the BADD document describes.

Let's look at the profile (note:- text in italics is taken from the BADD report):

WHO 1. Adolescents from all walks of life.
2. Many from middle to upper middle class families
3. Intelligent
Over or Under Achievers
Creative/Curious
Some are Rebellious
Some have low self esteem and are loners
Some children have been abused (physically or sexually)

WHEN does this occur?
It appears the ages most vulnerable are 11-17

Well when we remove the stuff that's either vague or non-provable (you might have been abused, you might not have been, they don't know) what you have is this:

Someone aged between 11 and 17, from a middle-class family, creative and intelligent, shy, and with low self-esteem - which when I was a teenager would have described me to a key.

Legal Technique: Act stupid. Stress that you like working class pastimes. (Actually you could claim to like TV wresting, and thus work both the stupid and working class pastime angles simultaneously). Deny liking any form of creative writing. Try to project an impression of positive self-esteem. (It might be a good idea to watch Oprah to get some tips here).

The profile then discusses where you might have been "recruited".

WHERE?
1. Public places such as rock concerts, game clubs in communities or at school.
2. Private parties at a friend's home.

Legal Technique: Okay, this one is a bit trickier. You don't want to actually tell an outright lie here. For example, it would be foolhardy to deny being a member of a games club, if you are a member of such a club, since for all you know they might have picked you up because another member of the games club grassed you up. The same of course applies to rock concerts. What you should do is attempt to downplay any involvement. Sure you went to the games club a few times. You like board games, and you thought this roleplaying might be fun. But truth be told it didn't grab you...

Additional Legal Technique: If things are looking really dodgy, and you are a member of a games club, you could always try grassing up some of the other members in an effort to make the police think you are being co-operative. Whilst morally reprehensible, this act can be used to purge the club of annoying power-gamers.

Finally, the profile discusses how you might have been converted:

HOW?
1. Through Black Heavy Metal Music
2. Through fantasy role playing games like Dungeons & Dragons (R)
3. Obsession with movies, videos, which have occult themes
4. Collecting and reading/researching occult books
5. Involvement with "Satanic Cults", through recruitment
6. Some are born into families who pratice "satanic cult rituals"

And here, with number 2, we get to the meat of the problem. What you thought was a perfectly harmless pastime - roleplaying - combined with you being a typical geek (i.e. intelligent, creative and a bit shy) and that fact that you fancy Sarah Michelle Gellar, have all conspired to put you bang in the frame.

"So what?" you might ask. What exactly do they think I'm going to start doing? Well the guide does give a few suggestions as to what can be expected from a Satanist / Roleplayer such as yourself:

1. Obsession with occult entertainment
2. Minor to major behavior disorders
3. Committing crimes and status offenses such as:
A. Running away
B. Graverobbing (such as bones)
C. Breaking and entering to steal religious artifacts or sometimes stealing small items to prove loyalty to the group
D. Defacing public or private property using "Satanic Graffetti" or related Graffetti
E. Threatening to kill (self or others, self mutilation is very common)
F. Aggression directed towards family, teachers and authority figures
G. Contempt for organized religion
H. Supremist attitudes
I. Kidnapping or assistance in kidnapping
J. Murder
K. Suicide pacts among members of the group

Legal Advice: The believe that you might be likely to commit kidnapping or murder. This is clearly serious.

And now is where they start asking you questions. Knowing the answers they are expecting will give you a great advantage. But before we consider the questions that the guide suggests that the police should ask, let's consider a piece of advice that the guide gives as to the reactions it expects you to have during the questioning:

If individual is involved in "satanic activity," he/she will deny a great deal to protect other members of the group as well as the "satanic philosophy".

They will expect you to lie.

If the answers you give to their questions do not match the answers they have been told to expect, they will believe that you are lying.

If they believe you are lying, they will conclude that you are a Satanist.

The Questions

1. Since it is necessary to have a Dungeon Master or game master/leader and two or more player characters, it is important to ask the suspect, who is the Dungeon Master. (At this point you may get double talk about several people being the Dungeon Master or the suspect may say "no one in particular. This is not typically standard. Generally there is one person who assumes the continuous lead of Dungeon Master.)

Where are they going with this? Remember the bit about "Involvement with "Satanic Cults", through recruitment" that was mentioned earlier? They believe that a senior Satanist will use roleplaying to recruit people into the Occult. That person will of course be the GamesMaster.

In other words, they're not necessarily after you. They're after your GM.

Legal Technique: If you are like 95% of roleplayers, the truthful answer to this question would be: "There is no one GM... we take it in turns." But this is not the answer they want to hear, and may even make them angry. Now although most groups take it in turns, there is often one person who GMs a lot more than anyone else (in my Sunday group, for instance, it's General Tangent, who GMs our WFRP campaign). At some point you might want to consider fingering that person. (The point in picking the person who GMs most often is that if the police have picked up the other members of your gaming group, those people will presumably finger the same bloke as you).

2. What is the character of your suspect in the game?

They will be as follows: Thief, Magic User, Fighter, Cleric. In the aforementioned character classes they may be sub-classes that the individual will refer to such as Thief-Assassin, etc.

Well these people are clearly hardcore old-school 1st Edition AD&D; gamers, but they have guns and the law on their side, so laughing at them for not moving onto 3rd Edition isn't an option here. And if you try to explain - say - that you think class-based systems suck, they will probably just tag you as a Marxist (as if you weren't in enough trouble, anyhow).

Legal Technique:The truth is that most of us play many different characters in many different games. But if you try to tell them that, they will just figure you are trying to confuse them and keep them from the truth. So just tell them you play a Fighter. (From their perspective, Magic Users have something to do with witchcraft, Clerics have something to do with worshipping non-Christian gods, and Thieves, well, steal stuff... not a discussion you want to have with the police).

3. Also, ask the individual if he "ran" multiple characters such as a Fighter/Magic-user.

I have no idea why they would be asking this.

Legal Technique: Just say no.

4. Each character will have certain abilities or attributes such as Strength, Wisdom, Intelligence, Charisma, Constitution and Dexterity.

These abilities are obtained by rolling 3 6-sided dice. Therefore, the ability score of each category will range from 3 to 18. You should find out what the [attributes are for their current game characters].

Have they never heard of the Munchkin's charter that was Method XVI (roll twenty D6, select the 6 with the highest values, add them and round down to 18, and then discard if the result displeases you)?

And why do they want to know this? Even if roleplaying was nothing more than a recruiting front for Satanic organisations - what relevance would the attributes be?

Legal Technique: This is a tricky one. I would say to just make six numbers up. But then, if they ask you the same question later and you come out with different numbers, they will conclude you are lying. Unless you're such a gimboid anal memory freak that you can remember the attributes you had the last time you played a D20 character I suggest you just say something like: "I'm sorry, but I don't remember."

5. How long has the individual been playing this role playing game?

This is clearly an ambiguous question. Do they mean:

a) How long you've been roleplaying?

b) How long you've been playing with this particular roleplaying group?

c) How long you've been playing the current campaign you're playing?

Legal Technique:Don't come out with an answer like: "Well I've been roleplaying for eleven years, but I've only been with this particular group for four years. The current campaign we're playing is a D20 one. We started that campaign about nine months ago, but started the current scenario for it two weeks ago. We've probably played a total of ten play sessions for this campaign, mixed in with a superhero campaign and a horror campaign..."

...because that's a bit more complex an answer than they were expecting.

Just say something like four years (i.e. when you first started playing with your current group).

6. How long has he/she been playing the particular character that he is currently playing?

This is pretty much a meaningless question, given that most people have about five characters on the go in various on-off campaigns, so the answer will depend on which week they pick you up.

Legal Technique: Firstly, if the answer is "two weeks" because your previous character got killed - do *not* mention that, because if you do they'll take away your shoe-laces and put you on suicide watch. Equally though, you don't want to give too long an answer. These people think that games are something you play and complete in an evening. The concept of a game that might last for years is - in itself - profoundly disturbing to them. Try something like four months.

7. What is his level of his character/characters? Be specific.

Legal Technique: This should be a pretty safe question as long as you don't attempt to be truthful and say: "But I have lots of different characters, and some of them are for systems that don't have levels?" Just give a number between 1 and 20. All they want is a single number. Give them that and they will be happy. Say anything else and they will conclude that you're lying.

8. What is his/her alignment?

The following are a list of categories for alignment: Chaotic Evil, Chaotic Good, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful Evil, Lawful Good, Lawful Neutral, Neutral Evil, Neutral Good and Neutral.

...Observations indicate that in the past a significant number of adolescents will choose an evil alignment. The reasons that young players give for choosing an evil alignment is they feel that there are less restrictions on the player/characters therefore, they can do more, get by with more and stay alive longer in the game.

There was a young boy who was fourteen years old in Orlando, Florida who stated that he has a Thief with a Lawful Good Alignment. In reality thieves are not thought of in society as Good, therefore the confusion over proper attitudes about more qualities become confused. Right and Wrong are situational.

Legal Technique: Say Lawful Good. I know people often joke that police are actually Lawful Neutral or worse, but they will neither get, nor appreciate, the joke.

9. Has the individual has any curses placed on his/her character? If yes, what kind and get him to discuss the procedure, type of curse.

Legal Technique: Say no. (Actually given that curses are pretty rare or even non-existant in most game systems this is probably actually the truth).

10. What was the individual's character name/names?

Legal Technique: Just give a standard harmless style pulp fantasy name like: "Tragg the Mighty". But make sure that the name you pick has absolutely no overtones of magic or religion, and no funny sounding syllables (they might think it some kind of Occult language).

11. What was his/her racial class in the game?

This only becomes important with the fact that many youngsters will try try to "get over" on you when you ask what is their character and they will tell you that they are an elf. An elf in the game is a racial class, not a character class, therefore most people feel that elves are innocuous, innocent creature and pass over any involvement with negative thoughts. The Racial classes are as follows: Dwarven, Elven, Gnome, Half-Elven, Halfling (Hobbit), Half-Orc and Human.

This document was obviously written by hard-core AD&D; players. Can you imagine if they'd picked up some poor sap who'd only ever played Basic D&D;? (Basic D&D; *merged* race and class into one construct, i.e. the classes were Fighter, Magic-User, Cleric, Thief, Elf, Dwarf and Halfling).

"What class do you play?"

"An Elf!"

[Slap!] "You're lying! That's a race not a class! What class do you play?"

[Whimper] "It's an elf..."

[Slap!] "Look we know the truth! We've read the books!"

"What the ones that come in a red box..?"

"Ahh... you have a red box to put the books in... which books are these?"

Legal Technique: Say human. They can hardly object to this. If they ask why you didn't play another race, just say that you like being human, so pretending to be something else never really grabbed you.

12. What is his/her level in the game?

Didn't they just ask that one?

Legal Technique: Repeat the answer you gave to question 7.

13. What god or gods did the individual serve in the game?

Legal Technique: Tricky one here. If you give a name of a god that your character served - and unless you're playing GURPS Fantasy this won't be JC - then they will tag you as a Devil worshipper. But if you reply "none", then they will tag you as an atheist, which in their eyes is probably almost as bad. The best answer is probably to say that the GM decided that all the characters worshipped the same god, but since your character was a fighter it didn't really make any difference, and you can't remember what the name of the god was.

Conclusion

It's very unlikely that you will ever find yourself in such an interrogation, but if we do, we hope this guide will be of some assistance.

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