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I awoke the next morning still
brooding on the events of the day before, my mind
cluttered with the debris of a tangled series of dreams.
I stretched, feeling my toes brush against the curtain at
the
foot of the mattress, groped in the darkness for the
light cord, found it and tugged.
The short neon tube clicked on,
flickered for nearly a second, then flashed into life,
flooding the tiny chamber with harsh, white light. The
visitor's accommodation consisted of a three tiered bank
of sleeping chambers, which from the connecting corridor,
formed a white honeycomb. Each cell was about a metre
square, and just over two metres long. At the corridor
end was an opening, measuring
about seventy centimetres high, with a pair of tiny
curtains to shut out the outside world.
From the corridor came the sound of
other curtains being drawn vigorously back as some of the
other visitors rose. I pulled the remote-control from its
custom niche, and switched on the small vid-unit
mounted above my feet. A white-toothed female presenter
filled the screen, telling her viewers the latest in
fashion gossip. I bounced around until I found a music
channel playing some particularly
sombre Celtic music and left the vid on that, the
mournful melody filling the sleeping-chamber while I lay
back, stared at the low ceiling and thought.
There were five people still in North
City who had known the Rook and Jenny when they were at
WaveX. Steve Richards was, by all accounts, only
travelling through life as a passenger, and therefore
unlikely to be particularly helpful. I'd talked to Vicki,
and to Paul Evans, and neither had been able to give me
any new information. That left only two people - Jack
Parker of DreamStar, and Allison
Holt of Harmonic Light. I was still throwing the
variables around my brain when the curtains slid
open.
"God! What have you been doing to your
feet?"
It was Vicki, peering intently at the
soles of my feet, which had after all been taking a fair
battering over the last couple of weeks.
"HE Suits," I answered truthfully,
"been doing a bit of cross-country."
She looked up, beaming. She was
obviously one of those annoying people who could just
wake up in the morning. "Well?"
The communication portion of my brain
caught the question and threw it at the memory banks,
hoping vainly that they might find an answer. In the
meantime I sleepily parried the question. "What..?"
She bobbed up and down, giggling at my
half-awake state. "You were going to buy me
breakfast."
Breakfast. Yeah that was it. The
memory of the previous night crashed in. I levered myself
up on my elbow, sparking an interested glare from Vicki
as the covers slipped away. "Give me ten minutes and
I'll meet you downstairs."
"Ten minutes!" she warned, gliding to
the side and out of view.
DreamStar were based in a small -
but plush - suite of offices on the edge of Uptown,
surrounded by a cluster of other high-tech agencies. The
whole front of the office was
glassed, revealing a line of blue partition boards lined
with a handful of potted plants. To the side of the
entrance was a single desk, an efficient looking
receptionist sitting behind it, hunched
over her comp-pad.
"Nice place," I muttered to Vicki,
pushing through the plasti-glass entrance doors and
ducking sideways to avoid the orange foam ball that arced
over the line of partitions, bounced in front of us and
tumbled past into the exterior corridor.
"Hi Vick!" called the receptionist.
"Here to see Jack?"
Vicki sat on the corner of her desk,
and played idly with a pot-plant. "If it's safe to go
in?"
"Probably - elastic bands were last
week. At the moment it's foam balls."
I leant back against a concrete
pillar, and surveyed the lobby, catching a sheepish
looking worker in a tattered, casual tunic, tiptoeing
back from the doors with the foam ball in his hand. He
looked
at me and shrugged.
"Relaxation!"
"Boys will be boys..." said Vicki and
the receptionist in unison. The girl tapped Vicki on the
knee, then glanced up at me.
"So who's your friend?"
"Sorry, I should've made some
introductions. Jon this is Sharna. Sharna this is Jon.
He's researching the history of WaveX. That's why we want
to talk to Jack."
The girl took a deeper look at me, the
tips of the mouth curling up in mock annoyance. "History?
And there was me thinking how interesting he looked!"
"So can we go through?"
"Oh yeah, sure. Just watch out for the
foamballs."
We mouthed thanks, and stepped
gingerly through the gap in the partition wall. Beyond
was a large open area, occupied by an apparently random
network of personal comp-units, some standing on desks,
others on the grey carpet. A low hum permeated throughout
the room. The thin screen units were all activated, some
filled with text, but most with dense, and intricate,
flow charts. Ugly black cables
snaked their way along the partitions, grouping together
at the various pillars, then climbing the concrete to the
false ceiling above.
At first it seemed as though the area
was deserted, but by the time I had taken a couple of
paces into the room I'd noticed that two of the desks
were occupied, after a fashion - if you assumed that
the figures sleeping under them were their intended
occupants. I followed Vicki across the carpet, turning
through a gap in the far partition wall. In the next area
two programmers were engaged in an
intense game of rock, scissors, paper.
"Hi Daz!" whispered Vicki to one of
them, a lanky teenager who'd just lost the last game. He
looked up, his hand still in the shape of a pair of
scissors.
"You looking for Jack?" queried the
youth.
"If he's around?"
"Yeah, they just got back. He's in his
office."
Vicki led me over to the far wall, to
one of a pair of doors. She knocked on the left-hand
door, a minxish smile on her face.
"We're busy!" shouted one of the
occupants, a statement completely ignored by Vicki, who
nodded to me, and then shoved the door wide open. I
followed her in, carefully shutting the plasti-wood door
behind us. The office was sparsely furnished, containing
just a large bookcase, a desk - on which stood a personal
comp-unit - and a couple of bean-bags, each of which was
occupied by a casually
dressed man in his twenties. They ignored us and carried
on their argument.
"They want the software!" shouted the
dark-haired one.
"It isn't ready," insisted the other,
a tall, blond-haired man who currently had his head
tipped off the far edge of the bean-bag.
"We agreed a schedule with them."
"Yeah, and that's all it was. A
schedule for us to follow. We hit a few problems and we
fell behind. The programs aren't ready."
"Well what's ready?" protested the
first man. "So it's got a few bugs in it! We're talking
house control software for God's sake, not satellite
launching stuff. What they want to know is this - will
it work?"
"Mostly. You might come home to find
that the house has loaded the dirty plates into the
washing machine, and microwaved the cat - but it will
mostly work."
The first man stood up awkwardly, the
bean bag slipping beneath him. "It isn't ready?"
"It isn't ready."
"Okay I'll stall them - but try and
get it finished, okay?"
He left, nodding familiarly at
Vicki.
"Jack," called Vicki at the
blond-haired man, who still had his head tipped off the
bean bag in a weird upside-down position, his hair
resting on the carpet. He flicked his head up, and
noticed us for
the first time.
"Oh! Hi Vick."
"Trouble?"
He grinned broadly. "Na! It's just our
reselling agents complaining. I mean we've never made a
schedule yet. When we agree them, it's like a game. We
pretend we're going to make them, and they pretend
they believe us. Anyway, who's your friend?"
"Jon Bannion. He's interested in the
history of WaveX." She smiled back at me. "Jon, this is
Jack Parker, founder, chairman, and chief lunatic of
DreamSoft. But Jack, tell me something... If you're
right up against a deadline, how come some of the
programmers are playing games, some of them are asleep,
and the rest aren't even here?"
"No point working at the moment," he
answered calmly. "The processing we do requires rather
heavy use of neural nets, way above anything we could get
here. So we timeshare on the city's main system.
Problem is, at this point in the afternoon everyone else
is trying to use it, so the system slows down to a
crawl."
"So you like give... up?"
"Yeah," he replied smiling. "We work
in the morning. Then we knock off for the afternoon. Some
of the guy's sleep, some of them play games. Or perhaps
we'll all go out to watch a film and have
something to eat. Then we come back and work through the
evening."
"Until when?"
He thought for a moment. "Usually
about two or three in the morning."
Vicki crossed the room to him and laid
a hand on his shoulder. "Jack, as a friend, can I give
you some advice?"
"Sure."
"Get a life!"
"Thanks Sarah," muttered Parker,
as his secretary handed steaming mugs of coffee to each
of us.
"Anything else?" she drawled with the
confidence of being at least ten years older than
everyone else in the office.
"Na," he said shaking his head, "No
wait - if the correspondent from the Daily Recorder
phones, I'm not in!"
"I'll say you're in a meeting."
"Whatever." Obviously he wasn't that
bothered. He settled back onto his bean-bag and looked
over at the two of us, perched awkwardly on either end of
the other bag. "So you want to know about WaveX?"
"Yeah, I'm interested in the concept
of alternative agencies," I ventured, casting a
conspiratorial glance at Vicki, "How they get formed, how
they're run. That sort of thing."
"And you want to talk to me?"
"Well, you're interesting in two ways.
Firstly, you were one of the founder members of WaveX -
who turned out to be the inspiration and focus for a
whole alternative movement in this city. Then you
went on to found DreamSoft, who are one of the fastest
growing software agencies in the country."
"That's hardly original."
"In what way?"
"We've had a couple of journalists
come down to see us. And the thing they always ask, is
how I went from being a member of an alternative agency
to successful businessman."
"And how did you?" I asked.
"Dunno. I've always liked computers
and software - so I started an agency to write it. Now
everyone seems to want the stuff we do. Anyway, what do
want to know about WaveX?"
This was the tricky bit. "I'm
interested in the break-up, when some of the founders
left to form Northern Action."
"And you want to know whether the
breakup turned me against the concept of alternative
agencies, and convinced me that I should simply worry
about becoming successful myself."
Actually, no, I thought. He was
obviously one of those people who found actual
conversation boring, and preferred to jump to the
conclusion, whether it was the correct one or not. I
mentally
gritted my teeth and ploughed on. "In a way. But for the
moment, I just want to explore the reasons for the
breakup itself."
"Steve and Dan didn't agree on what
the overall aims and objectives of the agency should be.
But I suppose you're more interested on why they didn't
agree, rather than how they didn't agree."
"Exactly. It seems to me that since
they were the driving force behind the agency's
formation, it is their personalities and backgrounds that
are crucial."
He nodded, plucked a thin comp-pad
from the thick carpet, and began tapping through stage
after stage of data. "So what you really need to know
about," he suggested, still concentrating on the pad,
"is the people behind alternative agencies, rather than
the agencies themselves."
I nodded.
"Well in that case, I can't really
help you."
"Why not?"
"I never really knew them. They needed
someone to write and install the control software for
their first premises. So they went looking for a software
genius who was at a loose end - and found me. If
seemed like a laugh, so I joined. When it all started
getting a bit heavy, I left. End of story."
"Do you know anything about them?
Where they came from? Where they were born? Any previous
friends?"
He looked briefly up from the comp-pad
and thought for a moment. "No." Several more pages of
data flickered across the screen before he looked up
again. "Oh Vick, nice seeing you again. Come around
some time..."
The stage at Harmonic Light
stirred up a lot of painful thoughts, memories of when
the family had gone to watch Jenny and her light-dancing
class put on their latest display.
She had been good, the star of her group, the light
sparkling off her naked body as she danced and spun
across the many-layered dance floor.
I sat now enraptured, as I had then,
so lost in my memories that the rest of the audience
seemed not to exist, watching the dancers run onto stage
and freeze into their starting positions. They were
beautiful, all of them, long slender legs ending in bare,
outstretched feet, fingers pointed at the ceiling, their
faces looking upward. I did know how long they paused,
for time seemed to have
halted, but at some point the music started and the dance
began. Lasers spun above us, sketching patterns in the
air that swirled around the dancers as they climbed
effortlessly upward, emotion
flowing from their every muscle.
The music crashed to a halt, and the
dancers froze; some hanging from the invisible,
plasti-glass ladders, others crouching cross-legged on
the stage, or the invisible upper platforms, their long,
sleek hair cloaking their down-turned faces, their
fingers held as though clawing the air. Again time stood
still, and I drank in the scene. A laser-image exploded
into life, dancing for a second
around the still-frozen girls, until they sprang upward,
leaping out of their crouched positions in an eruption of
movement, light and music.
I marvelled then, like I always had,
at their incredible ability to dance on narrow catwalks
many metres above the stage; catwalks that were made of
totally transparent plasti-glass; catwalks that
they could feel but not see. One of them - the lead
dancer - turned to face the audience, her face framed by
her hands and illuminated by a dazzling pink spotlight.
She stood for a moment, flanked by
her dancing companions, then dived forward from the
catwalk into the apparently empty void, her arms
outstretched.
The music fell, then rose when she caught hold of the
transparent suspended bar, and threw her outstretched
legs forward to rotate around it, holding on until her
body reached the horizontal, then
releasing, catapulting herself into the air. She pulled
her knees up against her naked breasts, and bought her
head down to complete the tuck, then rotated, turning a
somersault while she hung in the
air at the top of her arc. Then she snapped into a
straight position and fell head-first back to the bar,
reaching out to catch it as she shot past, then rotating
backwards around it, releasing,
stretching her ivory legs into a split position and
arcing majestically over the bar, and back onto the
catwalk. An appreciative peel of applause rebounded
around the tiny theatre as the dance
continued.
"Hi!" Vicki called out happily as
she hugged her friend, whose slender, agile frame was now
concealed by a thin, pink robe. Her face was covered with
sweat, and her hair
tangled, but she was still as beautiful as when she'd
stood preparing for the jump to the bar, her naked body
bathed in the glow of the pink-tinged beam.
They glanced at me and pulled apart,
exchanging meaningful looks and giggling, like girls do.
"So who is he then?" she asked, as if the conversation
had already begun. Vicki looked stern for a moment,
then lightened.
"His name's Jon, he's from New London,
and that's all I'm telling you!"
The girl smiled, then turned away to
her dressing table, the robe swishing around her thighs.
She sat down, picked up a wipe and looked at us via the
large mirror. "I was only asking for his name, not
his life history!"
"Sorry!" chanted Vicki, taking me by
the arm and propelling me into a simple plastic chair
that stood in the corner. I took the hint, and stayed out
of the conversation.
"Well?" asked the girl absently,
concentrating on the task of removing her stage
makeup.
"Well what?" Vicki asked in reply. I
took a deep breath, and began to study the ceiling.
"So why did you come here?" laughed
the girl, pausing from her task to lean forward into the
mirror and frown at Vicki. "You came here, introduced
this bloke, then told me not to ask you about him!"
"Sorry! Actually, it's him who came to
see you." She looked at me, and remembered that she had
not formerly introduced me. "As you've probably guessed,
this is Allison Holt. Ally, like I said - this
is Jon. He's interested in the history of WaveX."
"WaveX?" she queried, looking at me
via the mirror, her back still turned away.
"Yeah," I confirmed.
"Why WaveX?"
"It was the first of the new wave of
alternative agencies. If you understand it, then you
understand all of them. Well that's the theory."
"Seems pretty pointless to me," she
ventured, dropping the plasti-paper wipe into the bin and
standing up. "Do you mind if I shower?" she asked me.
"No, go right ahead," I replied.
Polite girl, I thought to myself, considering how
we'd just barged in after a performance. "It's very good
of you to talk to me," I added.
"It's no problem," she assured me,
undoing the sash around her waist, and shrugging the robe
off her slim shoulders. The light garment dropped to the
floor, forming a ring around her ankles. She
looked up at me as she stepped away.
"Carry on with your questions." She
turned, spinning on a shapely ankle and gliding across to
the shower-unit in the corner, her naked hips rocking
pleasingly. She stepped elegantly into the shower
and pulled the frosted door shut.
"I'm especially interested in the
first few months," I told her, speaking louder when she
turned on the water and its harsh hiss emerged. A wisp of
vapour floated above the open top of the
shower-cubicle.
"Why?" came her wary voice from behind
the steam.
I considered my reply carefully,
noticing Vicki's uneasy expression. "I've been looking at
a number of alternative agencies, and many of them seem
to experience serious, sometimes terminal, problems
in the early stages. It seems to me that the problems
arise because unlike commercial agencies, they often
start with no clear conception or consensus of what it is
they want to achieve."
"So you want to find out about all the
problems we had?"
"You had problems then?"
"Well you know we did. If we hadn't
you wouldn't be here asking me questions!"
"Not necessarily. I might want to find
out why you didn't experience any problems."
"True," she conceded. Her hand
stretched over the top of the cubicle. "Hey Vick, can you
hand my soap over - it's on the dressing table." Vicki
grabbed the soap, tipping it out of it's ornate dish,
and guided it into Allison's hand. "Thanks," said
Allison in a warm, honey voice. For a few seconds there
was the sound of vigorous soaping, then she spoke
again.
"Have you talked to anyone else?"
"Vicki, Paul Evans and Jack
Parker."
"How are Paul and Jack?" she
called.
Vicki answered. "Paul's bad and Jack's
mad!"
"Same as always then!"
"Anyway!" I broke in. "I know some of
the basic facts of what happened - about the break-away
to form Northern Action. What I need is more detail."
Behind the frosted door, her heavily
blurred pink figure shrugged, then continued writhing
under the water's heavy jet. "Okay, shoot."
"What do you know about the reasons
behind the break-away?"
"Dan just didn't like the way things
were going."
Dan - Dan Ellis, the Rook. I tried
another tack. "How well did you know him?"
I looked at Vicki when Allison didn't
answer. She mouthed at me to wait. The shower door slid
open, revealing Allison perching in the puddles of the
shower-tray, tiny rivulets running down her flat
stomach and onto her thighs. She leaned forward, reaching
around the edge of the cubical to grab the pink, fluffy
towel that hung from the attached rail.
"I knew him pretty well," she finally
answered, her petite breasts rocking gently as she
vigorously towelled her back. I glanced across at Vicki,
who shot me a concerned look back, asking me to tread
carefully. There was obviously some ancient history
here.
"You said he didn't like the way
things were going. In what way?"
She flicked the towel around her and
moved on to her front, running the cloth down her arms
and across her chest. "Steve thought that society was
basically good, but that individual people might need
help."
"And he wanted WaveX to help those
people?"
"Yeah. But Dan thought that there was
a deeper problem."
"With society?"
She stopped towelling for a moment,
the towel resting across her thighs, and gave me a
quizzical look, before replying hesitantly: "Yeah..."
"I've talked to some of the others,
remember?" I pointed out.
She nodded and resumed towelling,
perching effortlessly on one foot while she towelled the
other. "Like I said, Dan wasn't such a fan of society. He
believed our society was built on cruelty and
unhappiness, but that we tried to hide that. He said that
if we simply tried to help individual people, then we
were just trying to salve our consciences, to preserve
the illusion - and that we'd
simply be papering over the cracks."
"What was the illusion?" I pressed,
"What was the cruelty?"
She finished drying herself and
stepped out of the shower-tray, striding gracefully
across the room and lifting the robe from the floor. She
pulled it on, tied the belt tightly - which only
emphasised
her slim waist - and sat cross-legged on the floor before
me. "The coders," she eventually answered.
"Yeah that was it," muttered Vicki,
stirring, "I remember now."
"What about the coders?" I asked.
"He thought it was wrong."
"In what way?"
"He thought they should be treated as
people."
"He did go on a bit," interrupted
Vicki, "he used to say that he couldn't see what was the
point of discussing the slight anxiety of some citizen,
when the coders were suffering out of all
comparison."
"Did anyone else agree with him?" I
quizzed Allison. "Did you?"
"Not really."
"You didn't believe that the coders
were suffering?"
She shrugged. "To be honest it's not
something I've ever thought about."
"But you were against him?"
"Yeah. I mean I guess he was right
about some of the coders - that they were suffering. And
I don't keep a coder myself - I think that if you avoid
doing your own work, it will make you spiritually
lazy."
"But..?"
"I've always said live and let live. I
might not want to own a coder, but what right have I to
stop someone else who does want to? I believe you should
worry about your own morality and not about
other people's." Across the room, Vicki shrugged in
resigned agreement.
I was tempted to ask them who they
thought it was that cleaned the streets, coming out in
the early morning, when all the citizens were safely
asleep. But the last thing I wanted to do was antagonise
them by exposing the flaws in their own moral position. I
tried to nudge the conversation back onto track. "Who did
agree with him?"
"Shannon and Penny. They lapped it all
up - especially Shannon."
"So they left?"
"Yeah," she answered, then spat out
the remainder of the sentence. "To form Northern
Action."
"You sound pretty dismissive."
She lifted a knee, the hem of her robe
slipping down, wrapped an arm around the bare limb, and
thought for a moment. "I just don't like people who
preach, you know?"
"And he did?"
"Oh yeah. And Shannon was almost as
bad. Except that she tended to parrot what he said."
"Do you know what happened to them
after they left?"
She chuckled and shook her head
loosely. "No idea - I couldn't have cared less." Then she
rocked forward, resting her chin on her arms. "You've got
to understand that it was all pretty bitter. Steve
and Dan thought up the idea, bought us all in, and then
within months Dan was attacking Steve at every
opportunity."
I hesitated, sensing that there was
some nugget of information hidden within her reply. They
thought up the idea together. That was it! I leaned
forward and looked into her deep blue eyes. "You said
they thought up the idea. Are you saying they knew each
other before the agency was created, that it wasn't
simply WaveX that bought them together?"
"Oh yeah, they knew each other. Like I
said, they first came up with the idea for the agency,
and then decided to recruit people. It was always their
show. By the time we came on board all the
discussing had been done."
"Do you have any idea of how long
they'd known each other?"
"Not really. I don't think it was more
than a few months."
"When did you first meet them?"
"I was a member of a small cafe agency
where the two of them used to have breakfast - this was
when they were planning the agency. We got pretty
friendly, and I liked some of the ideas they had, so
they asked me to join."
"How well did you get to know
them?"
"Pretty well."
"And what about Dan?"
"Like I said," she replied, a hint of
steel entering her voice, "pretty well!"
"How much did you know about him."
"Quite a bit," she answered perplexed,
spreading her palms as if to say: what is it that you
want to know?
"Do you know how he and Steve
met?"
"Not completely. I think he moved to
North City, and then met Steve."
"Do you know where he lived
before?"
"I've got no idea."
"Didn't he ever talk about his
childhood? I mean if you and he..?"
She unfolded her legs and leaned very
close, her nostrils flaring angrily. "What is this? Who
is it you want to know about, WaveX or Dan?"
It was pretty obvious that I had
pushed too hard, too clumsily. "Look I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to be personal. And you're right, it is Dan I'm
interested in. Just don't ask why."
She drew her legs back underneath her
and muttered a silent relaxation chant, letting the anger
seep away. "Okay, I won't ask," she finally agreed,
glancing across at Vicki. "I guess if it wasn't
important then Vick wouldn't have bought you. But I don't
think I can help you. If you want to know where Dan went
to - I don't know. And if you want to know where it was
he came from - I don't know.
All I know is what happened."
"And what was that?"
A potent cocktail of pain and regret,
love and hate, flowed across her pretty, elfin face. "He
came into my life when I needed someone. I didn't
particularly want him to know about my past, so I
didn't ask about his. We had a lot of fun together, but
he wanted more. He needed to see some kind of meaning in
life, needed me to see it too. He was a good man, but
there was something inside him
that drove him, controlled him. It coloured his view of
the entire universe. He was searching for truth, I was
looking for fun. Then Shannon came along, and we were
history. He went, I stayed. End of
story."
"Thanks," I told her, knowing she
could tell me no more. We got up to leave, Vicki giving
her a goodbye hug, but paused at the door when she called
out to us.
"Hey citizen! If you see Dan, give him
my love."
I awoke early with her hair
spread across my chest, and her breath light on my skin,
and looked around her tiny room, taking in the neat
layout and the scattered personal items
that gave the otherwise impersonal room a gentle warmth.
She stirred, and I settled back, then looked to the side,
seeking out her desk clock. It glowed at me from across
the room - five-thirteen.
I hated waking up, always had done.
And I especially hated waking up early, since I could
never get back to sleep. Slowly, painfully my head
cleared, and memories of last night crowded in. For a
moment a fierce wave of joy washed through me, until
reality intervened and yanked me back. This was an
entanglement that I hadn't planned for, didn't need and
wasn't sure what to do with. The
temptation to stay, to step off the crazy roller-coaster
I was riding, to immerse myself in the intoxicating
utopian fantasy that this city weaved - it was
terrifyingly powerful. I swallowed and
realised how dry my throat felt. Breathing out gently, I
carefully lifted Vicki's head from my chest, pulled a
discarded pillow across, and gently laid her head onto
its soft, giving surface. She
moaned once, shifted awkwardly, then settled back into a
contented sleep.
The corridor outside was on its
night-time cycle, and therefore only dimly lit by the
neon tubes embedded in the ceiling. I walked quietly down
its carpeted length, not sure whether guests were
allowed in the member's living area. At the far end, a
soft pool of light spilled out from the open kitchen
door, spreading across the thick carpet of the member's
common room. I hesitated for a
moment, then continued. After all, what could they do -
shoot me?
Only the doorway light had been
switched on, leaving the rest of the kitchen in twilight,
except for a splash of light from the wall beside me. It
came from the large fridge, the harsh interior light
shining out past the opened door, the contents starkly
illuminated. A figure crouched before it, staring in dumb
incomprehension at the multi-coloured packets and
containers scattered randomly across
the stacked shelves.
I paused for a few seconds, waiting
for him to make a movement, but he stayed in his blank
crouch, so I coughed lightly. He looked up slowly, and
tried and failed to focus on me. I reached up and
found the light switches, flicking them all down and
flooding the room with light. When the neons had settled,
I took a good look at him, noting his dull eyes and
dilated pupils, before he turned his
attention back to the contents of the fridge.
"I just came to get something to
drink," I told him, trying to strike up a conversation.
"Couldn't sleep, you know?"
He said nothing. Evidently he didn't.
Instead he selected an already opened carton of milk, and
lifted it, with extreme caution, to the large central
table. Then he stood up, laboriously pushed the
fridge door shut, and shuffled over to the side unit in
search of a glass. The magnetic catch on the plastic
cupboard door clicked loudly as he gently levered it
open. Inside, a couple of dozen
plasti-glass glasses were stacked upside-down in neat
piles. He lifted two from the most accessible stack and
pulled them to him, pushing the door shut, and holding
the top glass out for me.
"You said you wanted a drink," he said
to the air in front of him, speaking in a matter-of-fact
monotone. I took the glass and thanked him, following him
to the table and taking a seat opposite him.
He lifted the carton and moved it to his glass, gradually
tilting it further and further until a tiny trickle of
milk fell off the tip of the roughly torn spout. It must
have taken nearly ten seconds
for the glass to fill with milk, but finally he was
satisfied, carefully returning the carton to a vertical
orientation and pushing it across the table to me. I
filled the glass, a casual tilt of the
wrist pouring the remaining milk from the carton, and
threw the now useless piece of bio-plastic into the
bin.
"What do you believe in Citizen?" he
asked me abruptly.
"I believe in God, and the eternal
circle," I replied hesitantly. "What do you believe
in?"
"I don't know anymore. I used to think
I did. At least I think I did."
"So what went wrong?"
Blankness settled upon his face once
more, and for a moment I thought he had forgotten the
question. "I questioned happiness."
"You questioned it?"
"I... I questioned it. In this world
everyone can be happy. There's only one thing you have to
do."
"And what's that?" I probed gently,
sensing his concentration wavering.
"You have to accept its terms. All you
have to do to be happy, is to accept that happiness."
"But what's the problem with that?" I
asked, confused.
"Do you believe in the soul?"
"Of course, everyone does."
"I dream of souls. When I close my
eyes I can see them! Glittering, all of them. Like a
thousand points of light illuminating the void. Without
souls, we are nothing. And without us, without our
souls, the universe is nothing. Nothing!"
"I don't see..?"
He took hold of my arm. "When I see
those souls, they're different, every one of them. Do you
understand? Every one glows with its own unique
brightness. Every one with its own unique colour. Every
one pulsing with life. And I can see them. I can see them
all. A hundred million sparks of flame, every one
different - and I can see them all!"
Space cadet.
"But what does this have to do with
happiness?"
"It's the variety, the infinity. Don't
you see?"
"No."
He slumped forward onto the table, as
though the brief conversation had exhausted his inner
resources.
"Please go on," I asked him, not
wanting to let the link I'd established with him be
severed.
"Every soul is different, and each one
can take a different route to happiness. Now do you
see?"
"I think so."
"There is no one way to happiness. But
in this society, only one way is allowed. Those are its
terms."
"If you want happiness, it's their
happiness that you have to accept."
"Exactly! The government and the
Knights, they tell you how to be happy. They define
happiness. They even define love."
"Is that so terrible?"
"I used to not think so. After all, if
you're being offered happiness, why not take it - even if
it's someone else's happiness. I took it. I took it all.
I took the Knights love. I took everyone's
love. But now it isn't the same."
"It isn't?"
"Nothing's real anymore. This city,
this happiness. It's all a mirage. We have wealth, but it
isn't real wealth, only trinkets. We have love, but it
isn't real love, only sex."
"Right!" I agreed, dubiously. "And
when did you begin to think like this?"
"A long time ago. So long ago I can't
remember. Are you a member of this agency?"
"No. Does it matter?"
"I suppose not. There was someone I
once knew, someone I quarrelled with, because he
wouldn't, couldn't accept the happiness."
This sounded promising. "This someone?
Was his name Dan? Dan Ellis?"
He jerked back, as if jolted by an
electric shock. "It's so long. So long since I heard that
name."
"Was it him? Was he the one you
quarrelled with?"
"Quarrelled..?"
Damn. I'd rushed him. "Did you quarrel
with Dan?"
"WaveX was our dream, our child. When
we fought..."
"Why did you fight?"
"He fought for my soul, and lost. He
knew it was wrong you see..."
"Knew what was wrong?"
"Life, everything. The way we live...
The way we are."
"How did he know it was wrong?"
"He just knew. He always knew. From
the moment I met him, he knew."
"Knew what?"
"Everything. Everything that was
wrong."
I swore silently. I had to keep him on
track. "What did he think about coders?"
"The soul-less..?"
"Yes the soul-less. What did he think
of them?"
"...He pitied them; and hated our
dependence on them. He wanted that to end. And that's why
we quarrelled."
"You didn't feel as he did?"
"I didn't feel. I was addicted to the
happiness. I loved it, needed it. He could reject it... I
couldn't; and I still can't. Then he left."
"And that hurt?"
"Yes. Perhaps my words have made him
seem cold - but that's not the case. He loved life. He
burned with an inner purity like I've never seen before.
It was passion that drove him, and passion that
made him leave."
"But do you know what made him like
that? Do you know where he came from, or where he was
born?"
"We never talked of that. The past...
was the past."
"You never talked about the past?" I
asked incredulously.
"Once. Once we talked. It was the
night we founded the agency, and everything seemed
possible. Infinity lay before us. We cracked open a
bottle and talked all night. He talked of a view he'd
enjoyed
as a child. He said that he would sit there for hours,
with his past behind him, and his future laid out before
him..."
"Did he mention anything about this
view? Anything at all."
A smile spread slowly across his face
as the memory returned. "Soldiers and a horse, and they
were all wearing HE suits."
HE suits? All of them? What I was
listening to - was it just the warped ramblings of a
drugged madman? Sapphire.
Sapphire: 05:27:52> Activated.
Are there any places in the
Bretenek Republic where you might find soldiers and a
horse, all of whom are wearing HE suits?
Sapphire: 05:28:03>
Searching...
I sat silently, waiting for the
results of the search, while Richards laboriously removed
a pill from a small black pill-box, and popped it into
his open mouth. His face was still for a few seconds,
then relaxed as the drug took hold. I realised I'd get
nothing more from him tonight.
Sapphire: 05:28:25> Search
completed. No match found.
Of course, Sapphire was taking the
request literally. What could it have been? An image? But
that would have been indoors, not as part of a view. Then
the answer came, like a thunderbolt.
A statue.
Search for the above, but as parts
of a statue.
Sapphire: 05:28:53> Searching...
Found. There is a single example in the Bretenek
Republic. It is situated in Birmingham, at the western
edge of the dome.
Finally! The Rook's future, after
North City, was still a mystery - but I had found a route
to his past.
I left Richards to his pain, and
walked through to the common room, placing my half-empty
glass on the coffee table and collapsing onto the low
sofa. A hard, rectangular shape
was digging into my back. I reached behind and pulled it
out from beneath the cushion. It was the
remote-controller. I pointed it at the wall-mounted vid
set and touched the on-button, causing the
screen to blink into life. A news-reader's measured tones
blared out from the speaker.
"And these are the headlines at
five-thirty this morning: The political fall-out from the
Centre terrorist attack continues, with the resignation
of the Secretary of State for Biohuman Resources,
after his department's security measures were condemned.
The Prime Minister has announced that an independent
inquiry will be held covering all aspects of the Centre's
operations and management."
I flicked to a mood-scene channel, but
it was already too late, reality had already crowded in.
I knew then that for me, the mirage had died. I had come
here to find some information about my sister,
and instead had discovered more about myself. I had found
utopia, and had been offered happiness. But it was not on
my terms, and I could not accept it. For I had seen too
much, and knew that it was
fake, and knew that it was built on pain.
It was time to move on.
"Who do you want to be citizen?"
they asked me, "What do you want to be?"
Tear-drops formed in my eyes as I gave
them my answer. "I'm in love with someone, and I can't
be."
"And she, or he, doesn't love you?"
probed the nurse gently, "is that it?"
"No, she does, I know she does. But I
can't love her. It can't happen. If it does, it could
destroy us, could ruin everything."
She knelt down in front of me, and
spoke, her words carefully weighed. "We can take the love
away, and leave nothing behind. But once it's gone, it's
gone forever. We could put it back, recreate those
feelings, make you love her again. But it wouldn't be the
same love, it wouldn't be the love you feel now. It
wouldn't be the same. It never is. Do you
understand?"
I nodded.
"Do you want us to take the love
away."
"Yes," I told her, pressing my thumb
to the consent agreement they held in front of me. She
left for a moment, then returned, a small syringe in her
hand. Then she lifted my bare arm and moved the tip
of the needle to my skin.
"Relax citizen. When you next see me -
it will all be gone. I promise."
"Hey citizen!" called the nurse
as I walked towards the clinic's exit. "Good luck." I
thanked her, and threw my cloak around my shoulders,
feeling a small object thump against
my chest. My hand moved to it, instinctively. It was the
broach. I unclipped it, and lifted it to the light,
remembering when she had given it to me, and how I had
felt. A memory kicked, and her
perfect face appeared within my mind. But it was just a
memory, a recollection - nothing more. The love was
gone.
A small pang of regret flared within
my heart as I gazed at the dull and lifeless stone.
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Copyright � 1994, 2002 Jonny Nexus
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